FUNNEHS.
This is the Amish computer virus. As we do not have the technology to create an actual computer virus, this works on the principle of trust. Please delete all your files and make your computer crash. Thank you, have a nice day.
"Because you and i are alike. And there will come a moment when you have the chance to show it. To do the right thing."
"I love those moments! I like to wave at them as they pass by."
Captain Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swann, POTC, Dead Man's Chest.
"You are Banned from Springfield Museum! You, and your children, and your children's children!
For three months."
The Simpsons
"Don't you trust me?"
"Let's see... on a scale of 1-10, i'd have to say no."
Me and my Dad
"I want steak!"
"I also want steak! The service in this place is terrible."
"You will NOT be tipped!
Me and aforementioned friend.
"No, you don't get it. You think yo9u get it, which is not the same as actually getting it. Get it?"
Kakashi.
"He's just upset because a bunch of girls kicked his butt yesterday."
"They snuck up on me."
"Right. And then they kicked your butt."
"Sneak attacks don't count!"
Katara and Sokka, Avatar.
"You know that secret? The one that wakes you up at night in a cold sweat? The one you think no-one else in the world knows? Well, guess what."
Curiosity flavour text, Magic the Gathering card. (Eight edition)
"Plus, we can ram stuff."
"Ram?"
"Yeah, with the tank."
"With the... tank?"
"You're having an epiphany aren't you?"
"Yes?"
"Let me guess. You don't know what an epiphany is either."
"No?"
Kren and Frep, Turn Signals on a Land Raider
"Honesty is the Best Policy."
"Honesty would get both of us put in a mental asylum."
Emily and Ash, Misfile.
"You have a very weird logic train."
"Logic is for the weak."
So true. Emily and Ash again, Misfile.
"Hey, by the way, i told everyone you were taking care of a sick grandmother over in Fuchsia. Somehow your grandmother died of cancer. I'm sorry."
(Did i mention that you are warped and twisted and- i don't even have a grandmother!)
Brenda and Mewtwo, World on Fire by Kayasuri-n.
"Like i'm going to let my wallet out of my sight. Hey, where's my wallet?"
One of my friends.
"I haven't finished my lunch yet!"
"I'll help you finish!"
Couple of friends.
"I don't expect you to obey my rules, i expect you to die if you disobey them."
"...I think i'm gonna obey your rules."
Me and friend. (IN THAT ORDER.)
"You need to put your HEART and SOUL into your quotes."
"I'd rather put YOUR heart and soul into my quotes. That way, it's your fault if they're rubbish."
Me and friend. Opposite order.
"I'm the bloody god of the pokemon! YOU WILL TREAT ME WITH RESPECT!"
"And i'm immortal. I think i beat death at cards last week."
Eri and the Figure, from The Reversal War Forum.
"Yo mammas so ugly the uchiha clan took one look at her and killed themselves!"
Me. LOL.
"You're gonna hit me if i say that."
"Yes."
"Knowing you, you'll probably hit me anyway."
"(Punches) You know me too well."
Me and aforementioned friend.
"You know what?...woof."
Friend.
"Hey, look! A rectangle!"
A friend.
"You're like a compulsive liar, but with more planning!"
Me, to a friend.
"You can either take the drugs, or you can listen to me give you a long speech convincing you to take the pot."
Robin ignored him, so Louis began.
"I was born in a small log cabin..."
"Oh just give me the damn drugs!"
Robin and Louis in 'A Little Night Music', by srgeman. (LOL)
"The cake is a lie! If the cake is a lie, why is the cupcake a lie?"
"I... don't know..."
"Because it's not made of cups. Ok, if you can get this one, i will actually pay you. Why is the profiterole a lie?"
"Because it's not made of rolls?"
"No."
"Because it's not profitable?"
"Yes!" (Goes to leave)
"Where's my money?
"THE MONEY IS A LIE!" (Runs)
A duck walks into a bar, and says
"You got any grapes?" The barman says
"No, this is a bar." The duck nods, thanks him, and leaves. The next day, he comes back, and asks
"Got any grapes?" the barman gets annoyed.
"I told you yesterday, we don't sell grapes!"
"Oh." says the duck, and he leaves. The next day, he comes back, and asks
"Got any grapes?"
"If you ask that again, i'll nail your beak to the bloody bar!"
The duck runs. The next day, he comes back.
"Got any nails?"
"No."
"Got any grapes?"
A friend.
"(singing) Seven days to go, seven days to go, seven days to go until my birthday!"
"There'll be NO days to go until your birthday if you keep singing, because i'll SMACK YOU INTO NEXT WEEK!"
Friend and her little sister.
"Little sis? You're abusive to your LITTLE sis?"
"So would you be if you had to live with her! You'd kill her! Or yourself... or both... say, come stay with us..."
Me and a friend. I don't have a little sister.
"I wanna kill him!"
"Take a number and get in line!"
Me and a friend.
“Happy birthday, Deidara,” said Pein, walking into the room. “Sasori, are you done with the cookies?”
“Almost,” said Sasori, blushing. “There’s a batch in the oven and when those get out, I can put these in.”
He indicated to the cookie dough he was slabbing onto a cookie tray.
“Hurry up, then,” said Pein. “The rest of the Akatsuki want this over with. They’ve got animals to torture, people to kill, lives to ruin.”
Peanut Butter and other Fun Stories, by Saya-Izame-Uchiha27.
"He has his moments of genius. Sometimes he even manages to find the way to his house!"
An enemy of mine, to another.
"Agh! Too many sheets!" (Eats worksheet)
True story. An enemy (Kind of) of mine.
(Doing an impression of Stitch) "I will eat your heart!"
Friend.
"The fable of Sable! I've got to write that... (Thinks) Might need some plot first..."
Me!
"Quote! (Searches pocket for notebook to write it on) DAMN!"
Me again!
"Anyone know any famous vegetarians?"
"Gandhi!"
"Hitler!"
Bill Bailey, Part Troll. Watch it.
"Define a chair."
"Something you... sit on?"
"Define sitting."
"Er... damn" (walks off in a huff)
Me and my friend. (in that order)
"WAIT, WRONG GENOCIDE."
Thorn, on Lolita's forum.
"We must move Forwards! Not backwards, not sideways, not upwards, and definitely not forwards! We must be twirling, twirling, TWIRLING towards freedom."
The Simpsons."
You see a debating oppurtunity... i see a long-overdue graveyard."
Friend.
"Big deal. I walk over Everest every day on my way to school."
"Why don't you walk around it?"
"Can't be assed..."
LOL, friend.
"What do you think would happen if one of those floodlights fell over and crushed an innocent Junior?"
"I'd laugh."
"I wouldn't. I'd take pictures, then laugh."
Me, friend, me.
"And you're worried, not because you're going to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you're afraid those vampires won't approve of you, Correct?"
"That's right."
Edward and Bella, Twilight.
"No, even the IDEA of you not mentioning Metal Gear for a day breaks the fabric of reality."
"True."
Me and a friend with a Metal Gear obsession.
"What happened?" Edward demanded, his voice going flat.
"I punched Jacob." I admitted.
"Good." Edward said bleakly. "Though I'm sorry you're hurt."
Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer.
"Pick up me leg, boy, it fell off."
Friend pretending to be old.
"Hows your psychiatrist?"
"He had to get a psychiatrist."
Me and friend, not in that order.
"(Uncaring) See my caring face."
"Oh my GOD IT'S HORRIBLE!"
Me and Friend, not in that order.
"Let me bring you up to speed. We know nothing. You are now up to speed."
Inspector Clueso in the advert for the Pink Panther 2.
"Should we team up and take over the world?"
"Lets!"
Friend and I.
"I've got a plan!"
"Kill _______?"
"...Forget my plan, yours is better!"
Friend and I.
"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a COMA."
Heard around my school.
"You... you stole my phrase and made it better!"
"I'm an author. It's what i do."
A friend and me.
"No, I'll tell YOU what's low. Shooting your grandmother because she gave you ten-pence under your standard pocket money."
"(Tuts) Grandmothers these days... just can't count."
2 friends. (Lol, damn bad.)
"So, how does that make you feel?"
"I want to bring in a dangerous weapon and kill you."
"Ah. Last day of term?"
"Yuh-huh."
"Could you wait until september?"
"Why?"
"I've got some plans for the holidays."
Me, then a friend.
"Circles! God's answer to... squares!"
A random friend.